After a conversation with friends about the 2nd out of 3rd evolution is usually terrible looking (like how Marshtomp looks like the victim of grade school bullying), I thought I’d look over all the Pokés and see how trendy this trendy trend is. While I was there I noted that there were a lot of Pokémon that either had cool potential then got wrecked (Surskit -> Masquerain), or Pokémon that started out lame then ended up cooler (Snubbull -> Granbull).
I just went ahead and ranked all 802 Pokémon including Mega-Evolutions and Alolan forms because why the hell not. These Pokémon were ranked on some arbitrary factors including: how cool they look, how unique their competitive moveset or typing is/was, fun moments in the anime, how fun their lore/personality is, and most of all, whether or not it is a water type. I kid on the last factor, I am just self-aware of my bias. There are some trashy water ones too don’t worry. Apologies in advance if my list poops on your favs, it’s just my list.
This ranking is in groups, and within the groups order will not matter. Let’s get to it!
RANK: LAME AF
Alolan Rattata, Alolan Raticate, Alolan Diglett, Alolan Dugtrio, Alolan Persian, Alolan Geodude, Alolan Graveler, Alolan Golem, Cleffa, Igglybuff, Unknown, Snubbull, Smoochum, Masquerain, Azurill, Budew, Wormadam, Buneary, Lopunny, Purugly, Chingling, Happiny, Mantyke, Phione, Simipour, Maractus, Vanillish, Vanilluxe, Klink, Klang, Klinklang, Scatterbug, Spewpa, Spritzee, Aromatisse, Slurpuff, Dedenne, Diancie, Brionne, Primarina, Pheromosa, Magearna, Mega-Slowbro, Mega-Audino, Mega-Diancie
Thoughts: The trends for a bad Poké in my opinion tend to be baby Pokémon, overly cute tryhards, awful Alolan-inspirations, and shitty things to make into a Pokémon (ice cream, gears). Points to Alolan-Persian for being my least favorite ever.
Weedle, Kakuna, Fearow, Nidorina, Wigglytuff, Zubat, Gloom, Seel, Alolan Grimer, Alolan Muk, Gastly, Drowzee, Hypno, Seaking, Jynx, Meganium, Sentret, Furret, Ampharos, Skiploom, Jumpluff, Sunflora, Misdreavus, Slugma, Magcargo, Tyrogue, Elekid, Magby, Blissey, Celebi, Combusken, Marshtomp, Silcoon, Cascoon, Kirlia, Plusle, Minun, Volbeat, Illumise, Grumpig, Vibrava, Barboach, Whiscash, Banette, Wynaut, Huntail, Luvdisc, Burmy, Mothim, Combee, Pachirisu, Cherrim, Bronzor, Mime Jr., Lickilicky, Uxie, Mesprit, Manaphy, Patrat, Watchog, Pansage, Pansear, Simisear, Panpour, Pidove, Tranquill, Unfezant, Audino, Tympole, Cottonee, Petilil, Gothita, Gohorita, Duosion, Vanillite, Eelektrik, Elgyem, Beheeyem, Fennekin, Braixen, Delphox, Vivillon, Flabébé, Floette, Florges, Furfrou, Sylveon, Carbink, Oricorio, Stufful, Bounsweet, Steenee, Comfey, Pyukumuku, Type:Null, Silvally, Bruxish, Jangmo-o, Cosmog, Cosmoem, Nihilego, Xurkitree, Mega-Venusaur, Mega-Aerodactyl, Mega-Ampharos, Mega-Houndoom, Mega-Gardevoir, Mega-Manectric, Mega-Garchomp, Mega-Abomasnow, Mega-Steelix, Mega-Sharpedo, Mega-Camerupt, Mega-Glalie, Mega-Lopunny
Thoughts: No one is this category is awful. However frequently I find the filler Pokémon here, such as Drowzee or Pidove. Clones are here too like Tympole or Bounsweet.
RANK: Decent (the bottom of the bell shaped curve)
Rattata, Raticate, Spearow, Ekans, Nidoran Female, Nidoran Male, Clefairy, Clefable, Alolan Vulpix, Golbat, Oddish, Vileplume, Venonat, Venomoth, Diglett, Dugtrio, Golduck, Machop, Machoke, Tentacool, Dewgong, Grimer, Voltorb, Electrode, Exeggcute, Exeggutor, Rhyhorn, Goldeen, Magmar, Quilava, Croconaw, Ledyba, Ledian, Flaffy, Bellossom, Azumarill, Politoed, Sunkern, Murkrow, Steelix, Sneasel, Swinub, Piloswine, Octillery, Porygon2, Stantler, Larvitar, Pupitar, Wurmple, Beautifly, Nuzleaf, Shiftry, Gardevoir, Whismur, Makuhita, Hariyama, Skitty, Delcatty, Mawile, Lairon, Meditite, Roselia, Swalot, Wailmer, Numel, Spoink, Lunatone, Solrock, Corphish, Crawdaunt, Baltoy, Claydol, Lileep, Cradily, Feebas, Milotic, Shuppet, Dusclops, Chimecho, Snorunt, Sealeo, Gorebyss, Shelgon, Regirock, Regice, Registeel, Deoxys, Starly, Staravia, Kricketot, Kricketune, Shinx, Luxio, Cranidos, Shieldon, Cherubi, Shellos, Stunky, Skunktank, Bonsly, Spiritomb, Hippopotas, Skorupi, Carnivine, Finneon, Lumineon, Electivire, Leafeon, Glaceon, Probopass, Froslass, Azelf, Pignite, Herdier, Liepard, Roggenrola, Woobat, Swoobat, Palpitoad, Swadloon, Venipede, Whimsicott, Liligant, Basculin, Sandile, Krokorok, Krookodile, Darumaka, Sigilyph, Yamask, Trubbish, Garbodor, Minccino, Cinccino, Gothitelle, Solosis, Reuniclus, Emolga, Frillish, Cuchoo, Mienfoo, Druddigon, Pawniard, Bouffalant, Vullaby, Mandibuzz, Deino, Landorus, Kyurem, Meloetta, Diggersby, Fletchling, Fletchinder, Litleo, Mewostic, Binacle, Clauncher, Clawitzer, Pumpkaboo, Gourgeist, Xerneas, Hoopa, Yungoos, Gunshoos, Crabrawler, Crabominable, Cutiefly, Rimbombee, Lycanroc (Night), Mudbray, Formantis, Lurantis, Bewear, Sandygast, Palossand, Minior, Komala, Togedemaru, Hakamo-o, Celesteela, Mega-Alakazam, Mega-Gyarados, Mega-Scizor, Mega-Heracross, Mega-Medicham, Mega-Banette, Mega-Absol, Mega-Altaria
Thoughts: The not bad, mostly fluff in a Pokédex members fall here. What’s saving them from meh could be an interesting competitive asset, goofy design, or the potential to be something better in a different stage of evolution.
Venusaur, Charmeleon, Butterfree, Pidgey, Pidgeotto, Pidgeot, Arbok, Pikachu, Raichu, Alolan Raichu, Alolan Sandshrew, Nidorino, Vulpix, Ninetales, Parasect, Persian, Poliwhirl, Poliwrath, Kadabra, Alakazam, Victreebel, Magnemite, Magneton, Doduo, Dodrio, Shellder, Onix, Alolan Exeggutor, Koffing, Weezing, Rhydon, Chansey, Seadra, Mr. Mime, Porygon, Moltres, Dragonair, Noctowl, Spinarak, Ariados, Chinchou, Lanturn, Mareep, Hoppip, Granbull, Ursaring, Remoraid, Houndour, Houndoom, Raikou, Entei, Poochyena, Mightyena, Linoone, Dustox, Seedot, Ralts, Slakoth, Vigoroth, Slaking, Loudred, Exploud, Nosepass, Sableye, Gulpin, Cacnea, Cacturne, Swablu, Altaria, Zangoose, Seviper, Armaldo, Duskull, Glalie, Relicanth, Beldum, Metang, Latias, Latios, Jirachi, Prinplup, Rampardos, Bastiodon, Gastrodon, Ambipom, Mismagius, Honchkrow, Glameow, Bronzong, Gible, Gabite, Garchomp, Riolu, Croagunk, Magnezone, Togekiss, Porygon-Z, Gallade, Dusknoir, Rotom, Dialga, Palkia, Regigigas, Cresselia, Skaymin, Snivy, Servine, Serperior, Tepig, Emboar, Dewott, Stoutland, Purrloin, Munna, Musharna, Boldore, Timburr, Gurdurr, Seismitoad, Sewaddle, Cofagrigus, Zorua, Ducklett, Swanna, Jellicent, Joltik, Tynamo, Beartic, Cryogonal, Rufflet, Heatmor, Zwelious, Tornadus, Thundurus, Reshiram, Keldeo, Quilladin, Bunnelby, Talonflame, Helioptile, Tyrunt, Amaura, Aurorus, Sliggoo, Klefki, Phantump, Trevenant, Bergmite, Noibat, Zygarde, Torracat, Incineroar, Popplio, Pikipek, Trumbeak, Toucannon, Wishiwashi, Mareanie, Morelull, Shiinotic, Tsareena, Turtonator, Dhelmise, Kommo-o, Tapu Lele, Marshadow, Mega-Blastoise, Mega-Mewtwo X, Mega-Mewtwo Y, Mega-Tyranitar, Mega-Mawile, Mega-Aggron, Mega-Swampert, Mega-Sabeleye, Mega-Salamance, Mega-Gallade
Thoughts: A lot of interesting well designed Pokémon fell in this category. I really appreciate it when Game Freak adds some lore to a Mon that really catches you off guard the first time you learn about it, like Parasect or Dusknoir.
RANK: Really Cool!
Ivysaur, Charizard, Wartortle, Caterpie, Beedrill, Sandshrew, Sandslash, Nidoqueen, Nidoking, Alolan Ninetales, Jigglypuff, Paras, Meowth, Alolan Meowth, Mankey, Primeape, Poliwag, Abra, Bellsprout, Weepinbell, Golem, Ponyta, Rapidash, Muk, Cloyster, Gengar, Cubone, Marowak, Lickitung, Tangela, Kangaskhan, Starmie, Electabuzz, Flareon, Kabuto, Articuno, Dratini, Mewtwo, Typhlosion, Hoothoot, Togetic, Marill, Yanma, Slowking, Gligar, Delibird, Miltank, Suicune, Lugia, Ho-Oh, Treecko, Sceptile, Zigzagoon, Wingull, Pelipper, Nincada, Aron, Medicham, Electrike, Carvanha, Wailord, Camerupt, Trapinch, Anorith, Kecleon, Absol, Bagon, Salamence, Metagross, Groudon, Rayquaza, Turtwig, Grotle, Chimchar, Monferno, Bibarel, Vespiquen, Floatzel, Drifloon, Drifblim, Munchlax, Toxicroak, Tangrowth, Magmortar, Mamoswine, Heatran, Darkai, Victini, Lillipup, Simisage, Blitzle, Zebstrika, Gigalith, Drilbur, Conkeldurr, Throh, Sawk, Leavanny, Darmanitan, Crustle, Archen, Zoroark, Deerling, Karrablast, Amoonguss, Ferroseed, Ferrothorn, Eelektross, Litwick, Lampent, Chandelure, Axew, Fraxure, Shelmet, Mienshao, Bisharp, Hydreigon, Larvesta, Volcarona, Terrakion, Virizion, Zekrom, Genesect, Chespin, Pyroar, Skiddo, Gogoat, Espurr, Swirlix, Skrelp, Heliolisk, Tyrantrum, Goodra, Yveltal, Grubbin, Oranguru, Drampa, Tapu Fini, Lunala, Kartana, Necrozma, Mega-Charizard X, Mega-Charizard Y, Mega-Gengar, Mega-Lucario, Mega-Sceptile, Mega-Latias, Mega-Latios, Mega-Rayquaza
Thoughts: I put Caterpie and Mewtwo in the same basket because I don’t see color. Also Trapinch is underrated. #hottakes From this tier group onward, I am capable of telling you a captivating fun fact for each Pokémon.
RANK: Pretty Frickin Awesome
Bulbasaur, Charmander, Alolan Sandslash, Growlithe, Arcanine, Machamp, Tentacruel, Geodude, Graveler, Slowbro, Farfetch’d, Haunter, Krabby, Alolan Marowak, Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan, Horsea, Staryu, Pinsir, Ditto, Eevee, Aerodactyl, Zapdos, Dragonite, Mew, Chikorita, Cyndaquil, Natu, Xatu, Sudowoodo, Aipom, Quagsire, Espeon, Umbreon, Pineco, Forretress, Qwilfish, Scizor, Teddiursa, Corsola, Mantine, Phanpy, Donphan, Smeargle, Hitmontop, Tyranitar, Torchic, Blaziken, Lotad, Lombre, Taillow, Swellow, Ninjask, Shedinja, Aggron, Manectric, Sharpedo, Torkoal, Spinda, Flygon, Castform, Spheal, Walrein, Kyogre, Torterra, Infernape, Piplup, Staraptor, Luxray, Roserade, Buizel, Lucario, Hippowdon, Snover, Abomasnow, Weavile, Rhyperior, Yanmega, Gliscor, Arceus, Oshawott, Excadrill, Scolipede, Dwebble, Scraggy, Scrafty, Tirtouga, Carracosta, Archeops, Escavalier, Foongus, Alomomola, Galvantula, Accelgor, Golett, Braviary, Durant, Cobalion, Froakie, Frogadier, Pancham, Pangoro, Honedge, Doublade, Aegislash, Malamar, Barbaracle, Dragalge, Avalugg, Noivern, Volcanion, Dartrix, Litten, Rockruff, Toxapex, Mudsdale, Dewpider, Araquanid, Salandit, Salazzle, Passimian, Golisopod, Mimikyu, Tapu Koko, Tapu Bulu, Solgaleo, Mega-Kangashkan, Mega-Pinsir, Mega-Blaziken, Mega-Beedrill, Mega-Pidgeot, Mega-Metagross
Thoughts: I think every Pokémon here does something super damn right. There are some Pokémon here that have incredible design, like Salandit or Escavalier and Accelgor’s evolution condition. Also the fact that Farfetch’d has managed to be a pure Poké since gen 1, dodging all gen-4 tradevolutions, Alolan-forms, or Mega-Evolution speaks to the leek’s master’s resilience against a planned-obsolete throwaway mechanical design that’s seen in later generations.
RANK: WAH GOLDEN LEGENDARY
Squirtle, Blastoise, Metapod, Psyduck, Slowpoke, Kingler, Scyther, Tauros, Magikarp, Gyarados, Lapras, Vaporeon, Jolteon, Omanyte, Omastar, Kabutops, Snorlax, Bayleef, Totodile, Feraligatr, Crobat, Pichu, Togepi, Wooper, Wobbuffet, Girafarig, Dunsparce, Shuckle, Heracross, Skarmory, Kingdra, Grovyle, Mudkip, Swampert, Ludicolo, Surskit, Shroomish, Breloom, Tropius, Clamperl, Empoleon, Bidoof, Chatot, Drapion, Samurott, Whirlipede, Sawsbuck, Haxorus, Stunfisk, Golurk, Chesnaught, Greninja, Inkay, Hawlucha, Rowlet, Decidueye, Charjabug, Vikavolt, Lycanroc (Day), Wimpod, Buzzwole, Guzzlord
Thoughts: These are my favorite Pokémon come at me. Its’s here where the bias truly reveals itself with 24/62 (38.7%) of them at least part water type.
Overall thoughts: I did indeed find an abundance of disappointing mid-level evolutions. Pokémon Mystery Dungeon was one step ahead of us and made us jump from 1 to 3, disallowing evolution until after we beat the story mode because character portraits and animations are expeennnsive. My bias tends to favors earlier generations, which is not surprising considering how I ranked Voltorb over Type:Null. Had Type:Null been generation one I would not be surprised to see it leaps and bounds further in the list.
What are your thoughts? Which favorite Poké of yours did I dumpster? Is Whirlipede or Charjabug too high? Let me know!